If This Chair Could Talk

The following blog was written for Pure Desire Ministries  

The unemployment office turned down my claim, yet again this week. 

In the midst of Covid-19, with a furlough letter from my employer, I know that I qualify for unemployment insurance. But our local offices are so inundated that they can't seem to figure out the obvious. 

I am spiraling. I am becoming stuck and unable to move...

My emotions are working against me today. I am feeling paralyzed by my lack of control over, well, just about everything in my life right now, and it is inhibiting my ability to move freely through life.

I threw myself down on our reclining chair, and even if our small dog had not snuggled in, I wouldn't have had the motivation to get up and move out of this funk. Going back to bed midday would signal that I might be depressed, so instead, I opted for throwing the blanket over my head to try to sleep my reality away, as if that were any better. 

While in my DIY, makeshift chair fort, I wrestled with thoughts on what I should be doing with all of this down time. Just think of how clean my house could be, how I could cook something new, start a beautification project in my back yard, or maybe even just start by picking up the dog excrement off the grass. Something. Anything.

But when I am in these incapacitated moments, I can not bring myself to do the most simplistic of things. I become completely convinced that I am alone in this and to admit otherwise, would reveal a huge flaw in my character, tenacity and altogether likableness. 

So what do I do about it? Breathing under the blanket has become laboring and has revealed that I have not yet brushed my teeth. Clearly I must deal with this impasse.

Then I remembered all the healing that I have experienced, and that I have come to align myself with believing that feelings are meant to be informative. They are not meant to be decision makers. Yet here I am, letting my feelings decide the progress of my day. I drew back the blanket allowing the light from outside to hit my face (literally facing my day) and took in the information/emotions that I was wanting to outrun. I gave myself a time limit for staying stuck.

Afterwards, much to my cuddling dog's chagrin, I got up and made today's choices based off of my values not my emotions. And I think we can all agree that valuing my Sonicare and Colgate is a good place to start. After that? Who knows.  The world is mine. Well, at least this house (thank you quarantine).

Unemployment might have turned down my claim, but there is still plenty of life left to claim, and they can not deny me that. Only I can.