When Going Home Hurts

It was such an exhilarating moment.

The sale pending sign went up and within the hour, Rich Moore from Pure Desire called and said, "How attached are you to Central Oregon....."

If you know anything about Bend, Oregon, it is a place you move to, not away from. It has made countless Top 10 Lists around the world. But we weren't moving far. A few miles North of town we had found a brand new home with a back porch view of the entire Cascade Mountain Range. It was more than a view, it was an experience. It often felt like I was literally  watching God paint the sky. 

Empty nested, I knew God was calling us, in our 'new season, to a new view', figuratively and literally. We had decided to sell our home, of which we raised our kids in; The home that was remodeled by the hands of my husband, with the help of YouTube, our brood, and some brave friends. It was the home were I faced the hardest moments of my life and became the place that facilitated profound healing for me and for precious souls who entered. But, I was ready to move. I was ready to create new space that reflected our growth and drew friends and family to come together.

What I did not expect, was a phone call from Rich, and a calling from God, to leave it all behind. As it turned out, 'new season, new view' meant something entirely different. With unwavering confirmation, we moved 147 miles away, near Portland, Oregon, to work for Pure Desire. 

It's been 5 months and I am still grieving my losses.

That view, my children, my friends, my community, my church, my job and the familiarity of a place I loved. 

We went to visit this weekend and I was shocked at the pangs I felt. Anticipating hugging my son and daughter in law, as we drove, I watched the sunset over the Cascade Mountain Range and felt twinges of sadness. And it came to me. I have become distracted with loving the creation more than the Creator. He gives and gives and gives, and when He wants to give me more, in different ways, I cry. I cry because I reallllly love the picture that's finally in front of me and I don't want it to change. But there was a time when these things were not in view.

There was a time when I was crushed in spirit. There was a time when I feared that my boys would not make it. There was a time when I wasn't sure I could survive another day. There was a time when the landscape was anything but beautiful. Before this view there was a time of grieving.

Friends, He. Is. Faithful. In every season, if we have eyes to see, God paints new pictures for us everyday. 

I am mourning a loss, however, what I am experiencing isn't only grief, but gratitude! 

I am grateful to have so much to miss; To be healing; To be in relationship with a man who I nearly divorced, but instead, I fall more in love with daily; To have kids who are healthy and who I connect with so well, that it hurts when I am not around them; To have extended family I can't wait to visit; To have friends, I miss dearly; To have a former church family that greets me with such warmth when I walk through the door.

But most.....

I am so grateful to have a personal relationship with a God that sees what's to come and waits with excitement as I start to encounter Him through my changing scenery.

I may not have a home with a view. 

But I have job with a view.

A calling with a view.

And now.  A faith with a view. 

Oh the lessons we learn, when grief turns to gratitude and we have a full panoramic outlook on the beauty of letting go and moving on to the next thing.